One toe is 30% larger than it needs to be. Ouch. The weather has chilled. I'm giving the beach a break today. Maybe I'll splurge later and get some booties to keep warmer. Warmth. Hmm, there's a concept. Yesterday I dozed for about 2 hours, 4 hours after surfing and took my temperature. 97.1F. I was getting sleepy around 11:30 before I posted the last blog and got a phone call - it was hard to get to sleep after talking to her... I threw off the machine after about two hours and woke up solidly at 4AM again - and took my temp again.
I was beat, tired, and cold, so I stayed in bed, and slept/dozed some more. This morning at 8AM: 96.1
After 5 minutes of exercise: 96.3
I'm trying not to draw early conclusions here, but so far as I can recall whenever I've been in front of a doc when I was feeling "well", my temp was below "normal". OK, OK - I'm not normal - it would be damn good to have some medical records to establish a baseline for what my normal temp is. It would be scientific
. It would also be interesting to know what chemical reactions slow as your body temp drops below 98 degrees. Google calls!
My mom said something about temperature and ADHD the other day. I can't remember what it was...
Second thing is that now that: after writing "beating the brand" - and following its prescriptions - and taking some prescription drugs - I seem to be able to journal by hand every day. I remember what I ate, when. My short term memory is better - I can remember a phone number long enough to write it down. I remember some things I thought about in the car and told myself to remember, where before I always had to rant into a tape deck.
Still, the memory circuit is quite broken - 1 day after reading that economist cover to cover - I could remember the two stories that struck me and I blogged about. The rest - a total blank. I struggled for hours, while surfing monday, to recall the cover, or one other article.
I realized (to my horror) that I can look at a book I've read 5-10 years ago - and recall the plot, character names, character types, specific events, places it took place - but not the physical description of any character. I've probably always been autistic that way... but.
I look at any piece of fiction I've read in the past couple years - and the plot? vaguely. No other details.
I haven't read that much fiction lately, I've mostly been trying to read and retain medical books with a minimum of success. Monday, I also sat on the beach and finished the last half of "Strategies for dealing with ADD". I read the first half a month ago. I'd marked page after page in the early part of the book - and only a few random thoughts had stuck with me.
I've also realized (through journaling) that my diet has had a few flaws - I've unconciously followed a no-salt diet in my own cooking as a way of compensating for the fast food I constantly had for convienence. Instead of having high blood pressure like the rest of my family, mine checks out regularly at 110/80 - I'm proud of that - but that "balanced" system fell out of balance when I eliminated going out to eat.
I didn't drink milk or eat cheese - I looked over my suppliments and realized that unlike most people I'm actually short on sodium and magnesium. Hmm. Maybe that salty pre-cooked turkey breast that I was tearing 4 ounces off at a time 3 weeks ago was not such a bad thing after all. All that guilt I had for eating a prepared food... and yet I felt kind of balanced that week, more balanced than I do now. I didn't have the urges or the sound sensitivity.
2 days without a cigarette. 5 days on meds. Mostly finished writing a big piece. Able to keep a journal, and get out of the house. Maybe with a date this weekend, and limping... so she won't ask me to dance. :whew: Things are looking up.
I'm not at peace. I can't seem to clear my mind enough to sit still and meditate.
But this morning I remember "Yesterday was tuesday - you went to Satsang and tried to meditate"... and I retained some of what was said overnight
Moke was on
last night - he said: enlightenment is just that: you get light. It doesn't mean the absence of pain
Visualizing the experience of riding the roller coaster is not the same as actually riding it. Depending on your nature you had anxiety, fear, expectations - all out of line with reality. Just ride it. Don't worry about it.