Postcards from the Bleeding Edge
Friday, November 05, 2004

  A cheering up sort of blog

I post this stuff because it cheers me up, later. My lines are in italics.

Mike Taht wrote:

Sometimes I think you're more ADD than I am. What of your postmastering book?

I'm careful.

I only front things that are possible.

I do front things that will tax my abilities to my imagined
maximum, because that is how I grow.

I've spent my whole life thinking about technology and not about making money.

Money is what you go to work for. I think you have made the incorrect assumption that a lot of us have. That Money=Wealth.

Money^[^.=]Wealth.

( I think I got that right)

Anyway.

Money is the stuff you pay bills with. Wealth is quality of life.

I know folks (as do you probably) that bring in something deep into poverty level wages, who have an excellent quality of life, by the same tolken, BG has more available Money than anyone, and will always be snot sucking shitdog.

Money is what you earn, Wealth is what you create.

You can create wealth by making money, and some folks are really good at it. But as much as EVERYONE LOVES to quote Dr. Deming, most folks also like to only look at the points they like. Almost everyone who claims to be a Deming leader, simply ignores this point:

"Create constancy of purpose for continual improvement of products and service to society, allocating resources to provide for long range needs rather than only short term profitability, with a plan to become competitive, to stay in business, and to provide jobs."

Where in there does it state, "Make me rich" ?

It doesn't.

And that's the point.


Frankly I've been kind of spiraling into blackness lately - My startup is in a tight place,

Of course it is. As long as they keep writing the check, you
can keep showing up.

Soon as the checks stop, go get some other check.

my own project is stuck at square one,

You know this one:

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
-Howard Aiken

It can sit there, until you decide to push it forward.

my other projects are stalled,

And will remain so, until you can get to them, it's okay. I didn't mention all the forestry projects I have going, heh ;-)

it's getting dark out,

Brother, it does that every single day, you aren't sundowning yet, are you?

my aunt died sunday,

I read her epitaph at the-edge
I enjoyed it, and meditated on it for a while.
Well done, sez I.
A weathly life, well lived.

josh is probably off the wagon and has disappeared in NYC,

I've never grokked vampires, horror movies, werewolves and all that rot. Frankenstein was kinda interesting because of the philosophical questions raised, but this other crap, never did anything for me at all.

I've seen a few trendy (post-matrix) vampire movies for the hell of it, it's mostly all garbage. But what ever in the heck is the (heh) morbid fascination with this shit?

Now, it's true I have gotten drunk on borrowed money (money borrowed with other intent as well) and I've done a few other shameful things in my lust for drugs and alcohol.

however, I've never stolen for these purposes, I've never commited violence upon the "innocent" to these ends, or any other for that matter. I've never (I hate this word)
victimized anyone (aside from the obvious care issues) over my addictions. Heck, I never even turned a dime profit on a deal. (Somehow I thought myself morally superior for this).

I think on vampires and werewolves a little bit. Big co-dependancy issues there, eh?

In the fairy tale versions of these stories, there is always a "cure" for those bitten. In the darker stories (more realistic) the ones most affected must drive a stake, silver bullet, your choice, whatever into the beast that once was a loved one.

These fucking monsters will kill you if they have to, and sometimes they have to. Watch yer ass around a vampire.

The "good" werewolves will lock themselves up during the full moon. So they will do no harm. I think we call ourselves "recovering" But we never recover. Only those who think they have recovered are really at risk. There is NO FUCKING CURE.

and I'm overreacting to basic stimuli

Sounds like a seratonin issue. I'm all about that these days.

The best "we" have to offer, is ssri drugs. That's not the real fix.
I'm REALLY not going into this, but if you like, you can go read;

http://www.mwilliamson.com/5htp.htm

You may find it germane.

I've been trying to work out what I want to do that's simple, and validating.

Okay, good plan.

I know a lot more about myself than I did two years ago.

Yeah, good,

I think I need to get myself into a situation where I can share the energy of some kids doing something worthwhile.

Okay, good, do that the other part that isn't taken up by the 40 hours you spend "at work". Good concept.

Or I need to just quit doing this and live somewhere I can survive cheap for a while.

Okay, A recharge isn't a "bad" idea, right out of the box. Might be a good
idea. Your what? 40,42? Shit boy, you ain't even started yet.

"But I know people that have, , , , "

So what? They ain't choo! You iz you. Whatever dey did has no bearing on what you did holmz.

"If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;"
~ IF, Rudyard Kipling

Ever notice how closely it ties to this?

"Much of present-day software-acquisition procedure rests upon the assumption that one can specify a satisfactory system in advance, get bids for its construction, have it built, and install it. I think this assumption is fundamentally wrong, and that many software-acquisition problems spring from that fallacy. Hence, they cannot be fixed without fundamental revision--revision that provides for iterative development and specification of prototypes and products."
~ No Silver Bullet, Frederick K. Brooks,

And the next paragraph begins with what -taken either in or out of context- could very well be a zen koan;

"grow, don't build . . ."

BING!

I could go home to NJ, but that won't solve much.

That would depend, wouldn't it? on what the variable "much" represents.

If what needs to happen, is that mtaht needs to throw up his hands and say "Shit! I've fucked up!" and start again at the beginning, then so be it.

Yer still alive boy, you still have time. Much has past, yes, but much still to come.

 
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