Postcards from the Bleeding Edge
Sunday, October 10, 2004

  I lose self-control once and get ravenged by the marketers

I usually have my ad-busting filters on, but one from www.emarketresearchgroup.com got through this morning.

"Fill out all these forms and get a free laptop!"

And I was tempted. Tempted... I lost control - I started clicking on things - I went through form after form after form. God only knows what I'm signing up for. I'm probably invalidating my donotcall.gov registry and signing away rights to tattoo my first born child with the logo of some desparate soda company...

and the clicking went on... and on... and on...

Are you over 21 and a smoker? "You can win a free plasma TV"

I got a kick out of that survey - I smoke a tobacco pipe - and no-where was there any sign of my tobacco (Supervalue Black Cavendish)- somehow in the past 50 years "smoking" became shorthand for "smoking cigarettes". How did cigarettes ever get so popular? I hate the things. They smell bad, they taste bad - must have been WWII when they were part of the military ration - what a marketing bonanza that must have been for the cigarette companies. The terms and conditions of this contest are a real eye opener.

Ah, well, winter is approaching, and much fourth class mail burns well in my woodstove - bring it on! Fill my mailbox with useless junk you bastards! Keep me warm this winter!

There's no turning back now....

In rapid succession I say: I don't want any more mortgage solicitation ads (I get enough thank you, and nobody in their right mind would refi my house), refuse to register for the menthol smoker prize ($2500!), I don't have a federal student loan so I don't want to cut that by 58%, I don't need a hot new wireless samsung phone, nor do I want to sign up with BMG's music service, because I don't listen to any of their music, sure I'd like a master's degree but I'd rather finish up my BS first...

hmm, a poetry contest - up to 58k in cash prizes - nahhh... I just want that free laptop - I could use to eliminate my debt, too - but not this way - naaahhh, nor do I want a new auto loan - I'm not single, don't want to meet anyone... I don't want to win a free trip to orlando,either... don't want to get another degree from another competing provider, nor do I want to refinance my home via another provider...

I may end up with more burnable 4th class mail than I bargained for!

I keep clicking and clicking - I think, all in one go, I've filled my "susceptable to advertising" total for the year - they've got me by the short hairs - I've got to revise Beating the brand for all this crap -

Yea - Fix Belly fat!, get a new house loan (again!) Best price on a new car. get a degree from someone else (oh, my mouse hand is hurting!)... and then it gets worse - pages of clicking on a dozen "no" checkboxes - and finally - the requirement for the laptop is that I have to sign up for one of three pages worth of services...

and :whew: something I actually want - a netflix subscription - so I can rent ad-free movies all winter...

'cause I'm turning off cable tv and turning my banner ad filters back on - RIGHT NOW.

I then have to kill a dozen pop-under ads - my god, is this the internet that people without Privoxy have to deal with? Yuck.

The cable company charges 10 bucks/mo EXTRA for having internet service with tv disabled. Makes sense to me. 10 bucks, gone, well spent.

I'm going to the library, and then the beach, for the rest of the afternoon.
 
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